We can’t be positive, confident, or happy until we are THIN.

Be warned:  this is a bit of a rant and a ramble.  I would love to hear how you feel, hear your comments on how do we make a shift in our society?

“I hate my thighs”, “My arms are flabby”,  “I’m too fat to wear those types of dresses”, “I’ve had to go up two sizes in pants”, “My, belly looks huge in this shirt”, “I’m not going to the beach because I won’t be caught dead in a bikini”.

Why do we obsess over these types of comments?  I know I am not alone in this.  If we think about it literally, why does it matter if our thighs are big, or we’ve gone up a few sizes, why do we honestly care so much about what others will say if we wear a bikini?  Where did our obsession as a society to be skinny, toned, firm, hard, hot, beautiful, slim come from?  What would our society look like if we all loved every inch of our body, walked around feeling strong and beautiful and happy?

“ I don’t eat dairy”, “I don’t eat grains”, “I haven’t had a banana in years”, “ I don’t eat carbs”, “ I don’t eat bacon, it’s full of fat”, “I watch my salt intake because I have a bad heart”.

Why do we put so many restrictions on our diet?  What would happen to our body and our society if we ate what we wanted to, when we wanted to, without feeling guilt/shame, judging ourselves, or being judged by others?  Would we eat junk food all the time?  Would we get fat and obese and suffer health risks?  Would we maintain a natural sustainable weight because we are enjoying the pleasure of eating and therefore consume less over time?  Would we notice how more nutriticious food makes us feel and therefore choose it more often?

“I run to burn calories and keep my weight off”, “I lift weights to tone”, “I don’t do yoga because it’s not enough of a workout”, “I hate going to the gym”, “I hate exercising”.

Every time we exercise do we do it because we enjoy it?  Why do we force ourselves to do things that we despise?  Is it crucial for all people to do cardio and weights?  What would happen if we all experimented with fun activities that brought us pleasure, happiness, health, and strength?

It has been really bothering me lately working as a personal trainer how obsessed our society is on how we look.  I am definitely generalizing to myself, and the people I surround myself in the fitness industry, as well as my clients, but it seems as though unless we are skinny and toned we can’t seem to feel great about ourselves.  I know for me when I don’t feel good about myself I can’t connect with my friends, family, and my boyfriend.  I obsess about my exercise and food until I can get back to that optimal weight.  I talk down on myself, and pinch and poke areas of my body that I am unhappy with.  I doubt myself in my business, I doubt my potential success, I doubt that I can make lasting friendships as I deem myself unworthy.  I doubt I am sexy enough to look flattering and be desired.  And what does all of this lead to?  Unhappiness, lack of motivation and drive in my business, a mediocre relationship, lack of connections with friends, as I don’t feel confident to be vulnerable and show them my real self.  And the scary part is, a lot of this is subconscious.  Many people aren’t even aware how their negative self talk about their body is affecting literally every aspect of their life.  ALL OF THIS BECAUSE I THINK I LOOK FAT!  CRAZYNESS!   Can you relate?  Why do we do this?

I have this vision of a world where no matter what shape, size, and weight we are we feel fantastic.  So fantastic that we have energy and passion and motivation and drive in our business and for our life.  We are happy and joyful and people want to get to know us more.  We have loving committed relationships and treasure each other forever.  We complement each other on all aspects of our nature, our personality, our intelligence, our humour, etc.  With our lack of negative thoughts we have so much more room in our mental capacity to focus on celebrating others, celebrating our lives, enjoying the moment, and living life to the fullest.  People are full of love and caring.
Is this possible?

What would it take for such a dramatic shift in society?

I have recently discovered that there is a whole new aspect of my business in terms of dealing with my clients that I need to take care of.  About two months ago I ditched the scale after obsessing over it for years, and I feel so free and so fabulous.  I have realized that when I am not obsessing over my weight, my food, and my exercise I have so much more time to spend on being happy, productive, and motivated in my business and my life!  It’s hard for me to still hear about people who dwell on the numbers, dwell on how their clothes are fitting, dwell on their imperfections (not that I have completely banished all these thoughts..it’s a process).  As I focus more on feeding myself delicious, nutritious foods, enjoying flavours, treating myself when I want to, exercising in moderation, building strength and power, taking days off when I am exhausted, doing what I want to do for exercise rather than what I feel like I have to, I am so much more in love with life.  My boyfriend once again has a crush on me!  Yay!  And it had nothing to do with my physical appearance, but rather that I started showing up happier, excited, loving, and compassionate!

It’s been brought to my attention recently that there is no reason I should be talking to myself so negatively, and that I should instead speak to myself as if I am a little girl.  I would never tell a little girl “you are looking fat today, better have a salad for lunch”, or “you better head out for a run to burn some calories”, I would never pinch a little girls stomach and say “holy your belly is growing, you better look online for some way to torch that fat”, I would never compare a little girl to another little girl and say “wow she needs to sort out her diet”.  I would speak positively, and warmly, and gently, and be supportive.  It may sound a bit corny, but it makes so much sense!  And that is my mission for myself right now.
It’s my personal belief that confidence is the key to every aspect of our life.  Our ability to feel worthy, lovable, powerful, trustworthy, enough, is what allows us to show up in every area of our life.  When we feel we are enough there is no need to judge, criticize, and put others down to make ourselves feel better.  There is no need to alter our reality with caffeine, drugs, alcohol, food, and other mind altering behaviours to feel a certain way about ourselves and our lives.  We don’t hide our true selves, personalities and opinions, and avoid hanging out with friends and family for the sake of feeling inadequate.  We don’t fear going for our dreams, goals, and vision for our perfect life, asking our boss for a raise, applying for your dream job.  Life would be fantastic.  How do we create that?  It’s starts within us.  As people empower themselves we can support each other to empower our society.

So ditch the scale, stop doing things you hate, stop restricting the crap out of your life, start loving every freaking square inch of your body, and start living up to your potential!

Disclaimer:  (I am not saying stop exercising and start eating junk food, but rather look at your though processes as to why you are doing it).  Find a way to do it in a healthy manner that brings

2 thoughts on “We can’t be positive, confident, or happy until we are THIN.

  1. Anonymous says:


    Love the post Katherine! Love the honesty and the vulnerability… love that you are talking about the elephant in the living room!

    I believe that the desire to be thin is just a symptom of the underlying issue of worthiness… of being Enough.

    How do I know? Because you can replace “thin” with:

    tall, beautiful, rich, happy, younger, older, successful, married, etc.

    It’s the “When I AM xxx” or “When I HAVE xxx” syndrome… the idea that we will be Complete when xxx happens.

    So really, this isn’t about being thin at all. Wanting to be thin is just one way that is shows up… and if we all get thin… guess what?… it will just show up again but in another form, in something else that we need to have or need to be…

    So what does it take to shift this in society?

    I believe that the answer is in each of us… it’s in our “Being-ness”… it’s in our connection to self. It’s in our vulnerability; it’s in healing ourselves of whatever makes us feel that we aren’t worthy, loveable, whole, or enough… just the way we are.

    It’s about doing the work from the inside out, not the outside in! : )



  2. So True

    Very true Cathy!

    I complete agree with what you posted. I think primarily for me the focus from those I surround myself with in my industry is hearing from clients who are most concerned with body image, but YES of course it shows up everywhere in life!

    And yes, exactly, it starts from doing the work from within, and I think there are many programs, professionals, workshops etc that from what I can see are becoming more popular and truly helping to make some great shifts for people (and eventually will carry over to the rest of society).

    So here’s to being ENOUGH!


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